Things that keep me alive

I've been feeling extremely exhausted lately. It's not physical matter. I'm exhausted mentally. Things are going well, as a matter of fact. It's not that my life is messed up. But, they're just so, ermm, normal. My days have become routines.

I wake up at 7.15 in the morning and only have time to take shower and get dressed. Han and I then spend the next one long hour on the train to office. It's never a good thing to start a day, one-hour-ride-on-a-stuffed-train. We barely talk nowadays while we're on the train. Perhaps, nothing to talk about, or perhaps we're just too lazy to talk when the listeners are 5 other strangers standing too close around you.

Reaching office at around 9, I go to make myself a cup of coffee, then have my breakfast. After that, I basically just do stuff to get over the next 9 hours. I guess that's what happened when you work on something that don't "excite" you.

At 6 o'clock, I leave office. Another one-hour-train-ride to go before I have my dinner. After dinner, I go back home, take shower, basically do nothing significant (i.e. watch TV) for around 3 hours, then sleep.

I'd never been a cry-baby, nor a complaining brat. But lately, I think I'm turning into both. I'm so exhausted of this routine that sometimes all I want to do is just to cry and complain. I feel that my life has missed out a lot of things. Things that I used to enjoy, for free. Where have all those things gone to? Does working life really take away almost all the fun?


I miss sitting lazily by the window at 5 p.m. looking at the pinkish late afternoon sky.


I miss travelling to new places, exploring cultures, foods, nature. Or maybe, I just miss getting away from routine and just doing something spontaenous.


I miss walking barefooted along the beach, or just lying there under the afternoon sun and reading my favourite book.


Or maybe just lying on my warm bed, with the sun shining through the window, feeling nothing but peace and happiness, safe and sound.


I miss waking up late and just laze inside my big fat blanket. Not really sleeping, just closing my eyes, hearing to my own peaceful breathing.


I miss, I really do, hanging around with my two little sisters. We can do nothing, just sit and joke around. I miss feeling the kind of love that I could never find from anybody else. And lacking of that, just sucks the happiness out of me.


I miss sneaking around just for one sweet kiss. The kiss that simply sends those butterflies inside the stomach. The kiss that sweeps me off my feet.


I miss sitting on one of those old school swing, just to feel the air and time pass before me. I miss the feeling of flying and not touching the ground. Feeling that for a while I'm actually far from the real world.


Maybe, I just miss home. Maybe. Or maybe I just need some holiday. Maybe.

I'm sorry for my random rambling, guys. I just feel that I need to let this one out. Pray for me and please send me some loves, okay dearies..