Thursday, April 15, 2010

Things that keep me alive

I've been feeling extremely exhausted lately. It's not physical matter. I'm exhausted mentally. Things are going well, as a matter of fact. It's not that my life is messed up. But, they're just so, ermm, normal. My days have become routines.

I wake up at 7.15 in the morning and only have time to take shower and get dressed. Han and I then spend the next one long hour on the train to office. It's never a good thing to start a day, one-hour-ride-on-a-stuffed-train. We barely talk nowadays while we're on the train. Perhaps, nothing to talk about, or perhaps we're just too lazy to talk when the listeners are 5 other strangers standing too close around you.

Reaching office at around 9, I go to make myself a cup of coffee, then have my breakfast. After that, I basically just do stuff to get over the next 9 hours. I guess that's what happened when you work on something that don't "excite" you.

At 6 o'clock, I leave office. Another one-hour-train-ride to go before I have my dinner. After dinner, I go back home, take shower, basically do nothing significant (i.e. watch TV) for around 3 hours, then sleep.

I'd never been a cry-baby, nor a complaining brat. But lately, I think I'm turning into both. I'm so exhausted of this routine that sometimes all I want to do is just to cry and complain. I feel that my life has missed out a lot of things. Things that I used to enjoy, for free. Where have all those things gone to? Does working life really take away almost all the fun?

I miss sitting lazily by the window at 5 p.m. looking at the pinkish late afternoon sky.

I miss travelling to new places, exploring cultures, foods, nature. Or maybe, I just miss getting away from routine and just doing something spontaenous.

I miss walking barefooted along the beach, or just lying there under the afternoon sun and reading my favourite book.

Or maybe just lying on my warm bed, with the sun shining through the window, feeling nothing but peace and happiness, safe and sound.

I miss waking up late and just laze inside my big fat blanket. Not really sleeping, just closing my eyes, hearing to my own peaceful breathing.

I miss, I really do, hanging around with my two little sisters. We can do nothing, just sit and joke around. I miss feeling the kind of love that I could never find from anybody else. And lacking of that, just sucks the happiness out of me.

I miss sneaking around just for one sweet kiss. The kiss that simply sends those butterflies inside the stomach. The kiss that sweeps me off my feet.

I miss sitting on one of those old school swing, just to feel the air and time pass before me. I miss the feeling of flying and not touching the ground. Feeling that for a while I'm actually far from the real world.

Maybe, I just miss home. Maybe. Or maybe I just need some holiday. Maybe.

I'm sorry for my random rambling, guys. I just feel that I need to let this one out. Pray for me and please send me some loves, okay dearies..


  1. You have long workdays, that takes a lot out of a person. You'll get used to that...or you'll make a change when the time is right. In the meantime, enjoy your weekends and holidays. Try to fit in thoses things you love. I'm sure Han wold be happy to meet you behind a bush for a secret kiss!!! =)

    How are the wedding plans coming along?

  2. Oh sweetie... I can say a lot of things to make you feel better but I'll say this... you have to go through this not-so-delightful phase in your life in order for you to appreciate life more. If you have a perfect life, you wouldn't miss home, you wouldn't miss your sisters, you wouldn't miss your bed, the beach, etc. This is just a phase... just wait for your sunshine. Believe me! It's there hiding behind the clouds. Big hugs for you my dear!!!

  3. Oh gosh, I know what you mean.
    I'm sort of in the same situation- highschool style.

    It's exhaustion definitely. But I'm not sure if holidays work. Even after spring break and easter break, I still feel like I'm thrown into the same routine.

    If you find a solution for this dilemma, please let me know! && vice veersa. :)

    Hopefully you'll find that peace. I know the pictures show it beautifully. :)

  4. I feel you - I am only finishing highschools, but some days I just feel terrible, like I get up everyday to repeat the days before.. -.- The best for me is to get away for a few days, like travel somewhere with my boyfriend. Or not even travel, but just do something special.. Have an amazing picnic, play badminton... HTH <3
    If you have the time, check out my blog and definitely feel free to comment or even follow? :)))

  5. Awww. That's all part of life, of growing up, and of being an adult. We all have our days and it sucks, but there is something that you can do about it. I'll share you some of the things that keep me sane:

    1. Schedule random dinner with friends
    2. On days when traffic is bad, go home late
    3. Do random dates with your BF
    4. Sports :)
    5. Watch movies on a weekday
    6. Cook

    Goodluck! BTW, I'm like you. The first thing I do when I get to work is to make coffee in our pantry. Hahahaa! We have unlimited coffee in the office, I think it would be impolite if we don't use it. Smile Olive. Things are gonna be better. Just remember that these routines aren't so bad, consider it a blessing. *Hugs* ☮.♥.✮ ☀..✈

  6. owww there's lovely picture there,
    i feel sorry about what u feel,
    honestly i totally could feel you babe,
    a year ago, i had that same routine, work in the day,start at 10am, then 6 pm go straight to campus, for night class (my master study) until i back home on 9.30 - or 10 pm...

    at that time, i was trying to balance my body by taking 3 packa of 200 ml milk a day ( susu coklat Ultra jaya, yes its the best!!) one on morning, one on 6 pm before class, then one on 11pm before sleep..

    i think what others blogger suggestion is alright, and you can do that one of them to make you feel better,
    and maybe i could add something that i think the most important you should keep the body stay fit, take some multi vitamin, fish oil, hi calcium milk, or any suplement you can feel your body a bit healthier, and can enjoy your day alot better,
    then you are free to have fun

    love and hugz from Surabaya,
    Dian Prad

  7. Hi Olive! I tell my wife to measure with her belts, never the mirror. =)

    You're going to be a beautiful bride, you don't need to worry.

  8. dear olive,
    Im glad to hear my suggestion help u alot, olive :D
    and I want to thankyou for the greeting also...

    wow glad to hear u also want to pursue the study on fashion. Then do that babe,
    passion for fashion,lol, lets keep tequila always with salt !!

    Singapore has alot of really great fashion schools, isnt it?
    i heard La Salle, SOTA, NAFA are the great schools for design... I would love to hear your progress if you really want to enter any of the fashion schools in singapore..
    maybe we could go * fingercrossed

    So hope your day gonna be good, and way more fun than before..

    kisses and hugs from Surabaya, lol
    Dian Prad